In a surprise move today the three frontrunners for the Democratic primary revealed that they were all Republicans in a joint press conference.
Asked "But I thought you guy's were democrats" by our intrepid reporter they replied "That's what we wanted you to think."
Clinton said "Why no one guessed my master plan I can't imagine. My husband presiding over a successful and prosperous democratic presidency was clearly all about lulling you all into a false sense of security. I mean really, I once liked Barry Goldwater; clearly I am an irredeemable conservative with a heart of flint. And AUMF, it was my idea! All of it! I orchestrated the Iraq war! In fact I was the only senator who supported the war, the only one!"
Obama said "I can't understand the fuss really; I clearly stated that Reagan was a good communicator, an obvious unabashed paean of love to the grand old man of the Grand old party." He continued on to suggest that his years spent working as a community organizer were a rather obvious ploy to bloster his left wing credentials. "When I adopted obvious right wing talking points such as suggesting that something might be a teeny, tiny bit wrong with America's welfare system, well that was as good as an admission of guilt signed in blood surely. Plus independents and Republicans who feel guilty about Bush like me, clearly this is a plot to contaminate the purity of the party."
Edwards said "Wasn't it obvious when Mike Delfino endorsed me, Mike Delfino, who acts in Desperate housewives in which at least three of the leads at least are Republicans, how can you not have seen that? You've got only yourself to blame. Also I was a bloated corporate trial lawyer who engaged in such heinous acts against the democratic party as suing large corporations who had trampled on people's rights! Also have you seen my league of conservation voters rating? 59%! Never mind that I wasn't in the senate for many votes and so lost a lot of marks, just look at the number!"
The candidates added a further joint statement:
"MAWHAHAHAHAHAHAMAWHAHAHAHAHAMAWHAHAHAHAHA."
While Gravel did not participate he could be heard out in the hall muttering:
"Reagan,Reagan, I'llgivemfear,fear,fear! Takepowerfromthepeople! Givewarachance!, Throwarockatthedemocrats!"